The one thing that I have found true about life is that it is unpredictable. One minute you can feel on top of the world and the next you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders bearing down on you. Large life changes can definitely set a flurry of these emotions into action. Since we have moved, I have had the pleasure of being the windshield a few times, but mostly I've been the bug.
Last Thursday I had an especially rough day filled with disappointment and I did what I always do when I am faced with a challenge...I phoned a nun. If you look at my address book, it isn't hard to do as probably a good fourth of the people in it are nuns. The ironic thing about all of it is my love for nuns surfaced after I was received into the Episcopal faith. Go figure. It's the one lasting Catholic thing about me that just won't go away. It also makes Grandma proud which is also another good life rule to live by ;p.
The reason why I use the 'phone-a-nun policy' is that nuns don't always have the answer (no offense nun posse love you all!!!), but they have the ability to make not knowing the answer become the true answer. It is uncanny how this happens and how it can make you turn a truly superficial feeling into a philosophical life lesson. As I went into deep conversation with Sr. Suzanne telling her all the intricacies of why I was feeling like the bug, she was attentive in listening. At the end, she offered a very insightful piece of advice: "Maria, don't get ahead of grace."
As soon as she said this, I thought, "What is this supposed to mean?" However, after we got off the phone, I was able to do a little reflection about it and it was probably one of the best pieces of advice I've been given in a long time if not ever.
We live in a fix-it society. Don't believe me, turn on the t.v. There are a million products designed to solve problems that you didn't even know you had. Don't want to bend over to wash your feet? Don't worry there is a feet scrubber you can install in the bottom of your tub so you no longer have to worry. Too busy to open a bottle of wine? There is a device that requires no energy on your part and at the push of a button, the cork is out and you are enjoying your favorite pinot. You get the point.
I think that all of these things bleed over and have driven our personal and professional expectations to an level. How many times have you listened to a friend's problems and you felt the expectation to jump in there and solve them? How many times have you found yourself impatient when you felt that you were doing everything right, but the end result wasn't coming soon enough? How many times have you taken someone else's rejection of you or your work to heart when you know that it was unmerited? How many times have you been out with a group of people whom you felt you couldn't measure up to in some way? I bet the answer is way too many. I know for me, I have become so programmed to make the impossible possible that when I can't, it becomes devastating. However, looking back on my life, the things that and the people I value most have all happened by the power of grace. I didn't go out and search for Joe. I didn't go out and search for my job at Get On The Bus. I didn't search for my family or my friends. I didn't even need to have a casting call for my nun posse. They all found me. I leave you with the words of Sr. Suzanne, "Don't get ahead of grace."
I hope everyone will take some time to reflect on this. Comments are welcome.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Stella* has resurfaced...
So many of you may remember reading about my dear friend Stella* who is one of the family members we served on Get On The Bus. Stella* has appeared in several of my posts starting on 2/13/10. Just for reminder's sake, she is the woman who I met during what we are both convinced was a 'fate induced' phone call. She was desperate to get her boyfriend's two little boys to visit him at the California Men's Colony prison, as their mom had just suddenly passed from cancer and they hadn't seen their dad in many years. Again through a true miracle and the help of my fantastic staff at the time, we were able to do it. From then on, we have referred to each other as "The Holy Hook-Ups," as nothing short of a miracle happened to successfully get the boys to see their estranged father.
The thing that I love about Stella* is that she just doesn't go away. She constantly used to call me at the Get On The Bus office. If she couldn't get a hold of me, she used to leave me messages that lasted for 10-15 minutes where she would pick up from the last time we talked, which in some cases could be quite a while. She has a very funny and endearing way to make you burst out laughing with joy and also cry with the turns her life seems to take.
She also has this undying belief that I am someone whose name means something. Even though I have told her time and time again that people don't care about who I am and that dropping my name to people won't help her, she is insistent that it does. What is even more crazy is that sometimes it works! Again, I take no credit for this, but she has threatened to call me when the prison wouldn't let her into visit with her loved one and miraculously according to her, the gates opened. Another time she called me during a court hearing while she was being tried and told me to talk with the judge. I said, "Stella*, hang up this phone right now. You are going to get in trouble." She then said, "Maria, I tried to not call you but I told the judge that I was going to do it. You know me, I am a woman of my word." Luckily, she did listen to me and she hung up the phone before the judge saw her on it and she was released from the court for a wrongful conviction.
When my phone rang the other day and I saw an L.A. area code, I had no idea who was on the other end. I decided to let the call go to voicemail and when I picked it up, guess who had left one of her infamous messages? You got it...Stella*. In her normal way, her message went through a gammit of emotions. She first told me that she was very angry at me for leaving her. Who could she call now while she was in court? Who could be her new Holy Hook-Up? She said that no one asked for her vote on me leaving. She then started laughing and said, "Girl, you know I'm playing. I do miss you though. I called your office 15 times and listened to the voice message for your name. When it didn't happen, I dialed Jennifer and asked her where you were? She said New York and she asked if I could help her? You know what my response was...if the name is not Maria or Karen, you can't help me. Get me Maria's phone number. I gotta put this on my speed dial."
I called Stella* back and she shared with me that she is actually going to be moving to the East Coast too. She needs to be by her own family in Maryland. It was so wonderful to catch up with her and for her to make sure that I didn't slip through the cracks. As always, she is always grateful for my ear and she truly believes that I have all the answers she needs. However, this time on the phone, I was able to give her a gift. I was able to tell her for all this time that it wasn't me that was solving anything, it was her. She was able to pull herself up in times of need, I was just a sound board. For the first time ever, she got that and I could hear the emotion coming through the phone. As we hung up, she asked, "Maria, can we still talk on the phone even though you are a sound board?"
My response, "Stella* that's what friends are for?"
Be a friend today to someone who needs it. :)
*Names have been changed.
The thing that I love about Stella* is that she just doesn't go away. She constantly used to call me at the Get On The Bus office. If she couldn't get a hold of me, she used to leave me messages that lasted for 10-15 minutes where she would pick up from the last time we talked, which in some cases could be quite a while. She has a very funny and endearing way to make you burst out laughing with joy and also cry with the turns her life seems to take.
She also has this undying belief that I am someone whose name means something. Even though I have told her time and time again that people don't care about who I am and that dropping my name to people won't help her, she is insistent that it does. What is even more crazy is that sometimes it works! Again, I take no credit for this, but she has threatened to call me when the prison wouldn't let her into visit with her loved one and miraculously according to her, the gates opened. Another time she called me during a court hearing while she was being tried and told me to talk with the judge. I said, "Stella*, hang up this phone right now. You are going to get in trouble." She then said, "Maria, I tried to not call you but I told the judge that I was going to do it. You know me, I am a woman of my word." Luckily, she did listen to me and she hung up the phone before the judge saw her on it and she was released from the court for a wrongful conviction.
When my phone rang the other day and I saw an L.A. area code, I had no idea who was on the other end. I decided to let the call go to voicemail and when I picked it up, guess who had left one of her infamous messages? You got it...Stella*. In her normal way, her message went through a gammit of emotions. She first told me that she was very angry at me for leaving her. Who could she call now while she was in court? Who could be her new Holy Hook-Up? She said that no one asked for her vote on me leaving. She then started laughing and said, "Girl, you know I'm playing. I do miss you though. I called your office 15 times and listened to the voice message for your name. When it didn't happen, I dialed Jennifer and asked her where you were? She said New York and she asked if I could help her? You know what my response was...if the name is not Maria or Karen, you can't help me. Get me Maria's phone number. I gotta put this on my speed dial."
I called Stella* back and she shared with me that she is actually going to be moving to the East Coast too. She needs to be by her own family in Maryland. It was so wonderful to catch up with her and for her to make sure that I didn't slip through the cracks. As always, she is always grateful for my ear and she truly believes that I have all the answers she needs. However, this time on the phone, I was able to give her a gift. I was able to tell her for all this time that it wasn't me that was solving anything, it was her. She was able to pull herself up in times of need, I was just a sound board. For the first time ever, she got that and I could hear the emotion coming through the phone. As we hung up, she asked, "Maria, can we still talk on the phone even though you are a sound board?"
My response, "Stella* that's what friends are for?"
Be a friend today to someone who needs it. :)
*Names have been changed.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Nuns, Ex-Cons and a Room Filled with Cats...
With a title like that, hopefully I have gotten your attention. For anyone else, these are three totally unrelated items all with which you may have a second thought about encountering, but for me, this is my heaven on Earth. Call me crazy (and many do), but I got to pay a visit to Hour Children yesterday.
For those of you who didn't see their spot on CBS News a couple of weeks ago, this organization helps children who have incarcerated mothers and women in and coming out of prison. It is run by Sr. Tesa Fizgerald, a sister of St. Joseph (my favorite order which houses all my Cali nuns). I have to admit when I got there, I was feeling a little down in the dumps because of some recent disappointments. However, when I walked into Sr. Tesa's office and I was greeted by none other than a black and white tuxedo cat, I knew my day was bound to turn around.
As we talked and she told me all of what Hour Children had been up to in the past three years, which is the last time I saw her, and I was amazed. They had an afterschool program, a thrift shop, a beauty salon, a mentoring program, supportive housing, classes inside for women, and a job readiness program. It reminded me a lot of Homeboy Industries in California.
The beauty of all of it was that the women who had come out and went through the program were working for her now. As you walked around, you could see God's grace throughout the multiple buildings. Everyone was so excited to be there and to be giving back to other women and children. The energy is something that I have missed since I left Get On The Bus.
One of the things that the organization prides itself on is second chances. However, the second chances do really make a difference for the women. According to the Bureau of Justice Stats, 30% of all incarcerated women in NY State go back to prison. Compare this to just 4% of women who participate in Hour Children programs. I was so inspired that by the time I left, I signed up to be a Mentor. The volunteer commitment is 8 hours a month for a year. You are matched with a woman who is just coming out who is similar to you. As a Mentor, you walk with the woman as she comes out. Most of the work is done via phone and e-mail and there is normally a get together gathering once a month. I am going for my training on Saturday and I am very excited about it!
The moral of today's story is that everyone has downer days, but when you do, find whatever it is that you need to pick yourself up. If you don't know, try my recipe for happiness: nuns, ex-cons and cats! ;p
For those of you who didn't see their spot on CBS News a couple of weeks ago, this organization helps children who have incarcerated mothers and women in and coming out of prison. It is run by Sr. Tesa Fizgerald, a sister of St. Joseph (my favorite order which houses all my Cali nuns). I have to admit when I got there, I was feeling a little down in the dumps because of some recent disappointments. However, when I walked into Sr. Tesa's office and I was greeted by none other than a black and white tuxedo cat, I knew my day was bound to turn around.
As we talked and she told me all of what Hour Children had been up to in the past three years, which is the last time I saw her, and I was amazed. They had an afterschool program, a thrift shop, a beauty salon, a mentoring program, supportive housing, classes inside for women, and a job readiness program. It reminded me a lot of Homeboy Industries in California.
The beauty of all of it was that the women who had come out and went through the program were working for her now. As you walked around, you could see God's grace throughout the multiple buildings. Everyone was so excited to be there and to be giving back to other women and children. The energy is something that I have missed since I left Get On The Bus.
One of the things that the organization prides itself on is second chances. However, the second chances do really make a difference for the women. According to the Bureau of Justice Stats, 30% of all incarcerated women in NY State go back to prison. Compare this to just 4% of women who participate in Hour Children programs. I was so inspired that by the time I left, I signed up to be a Mentor. The volunteer commitment is 8 hours a month for a year. You are matched with a woman who is just coming out who is similar to you. As a Mentor, you walk with the woman as she comes out. Most of the work is done via phone and e-mail and there is normally a get together gathering once a month. I am going for my training on Saturday and I am very excited about it!
The moral of today's story is that everyone has downer days, but when you do, find whatever it is that you need to pick yourself up. If you don't know, try my recipe for happiness: nuns, ex-cons and cats! ;p
Friday, October 15, 2010
It just keeps getting better...
This story has two parts. The first is a little update about my sentimentals. Some of you may recall my entry a couple of days ago called "Rumaging Through the Remnants," where I talked about losing a lot of valuables during a pretty unbelievable moving accident. You may recall that I said that my wedding album, personal scrapbooks surrounding my showers and bachelorette party and a candid album of polaroids of every guest at my wedding were gone. Well, I am happy to say that yesterday, they have reappeared. It looks as if they were repacked. Surprisingly enough, there isn't even damage to any of those items. I was grateful and awestruck by their discovery.
The second is a follow up to a story I wrote on 9/15/10 called "My Tearjerker on the Way to Brooklyn". I am not going to take credit for this one though as this story was told me by my former colleague and friend Karen. Read the e-mail she sent below. Good news all around it seems!
A few weeks ago, I shared with you a story about Robert Martinez's church Sacred Heart in West Covina. Robert is the Bus Coordinator that had the man show up at church on Sunday that was recently released from CMC. GOTB brought Richard his kids in prison, and now he has been attending church with his family every Sunday for over a month. Well, the story continues to get better.
There is now a second CMC dad that has come to Sacred Heart to say thank you.
This man, Jesse, is the son of Alice. Alice has been a volunteer with us for the last two years and has been guardian of her grandchild while Jesse was away. I met Jesse last year and let me tell you- he is the youngest looking person I'd ever seen inside prison before.
Sacred Heart is one of my favorite GOTB sponsoring agencies because the church supports the volunteers and the program 100%. Recently, the church threw a big "Thank You Barbecue" to all of the volunteers that made Get On The Bus happen last year. Robert invited Richard and Jesse- both dads from CMC- to come to the barbecue with their families as guests of honor. Instead, Richard and Jesse asked if they could just come to the barbecue as a regular attendees and desperately wanted to bring a dish also so that they could contribute. And by the way, Richard and Jesse do not know each other nor do they know OF each other. One was in East the other was in West.
At the barbecue, Robert told none of the 35 attendees about the CMC dads at the barbecue. The men and their families simply blended right in. Richard told me that the one thing that struck him right away was how different the wives of these men looked now that their men had come home. He described meeting them in the prison and seeing a "dead expression" and now these women looked radiant, proudly standing with their men at a church barbecue. He said the two men and their families socialized and laughed with others with ease during the day!
During the barbecue, Robert got up to share a few words about GOTB. He let his volunteers know how much the church raised in total and how many families were helped, etc. He then introduced Richard to come up and say a few words. To say that the barbecue attendees were floored would be an understatement. Richard spoke with such gratitude that most of the people at the barbecue were in tears.
When Richard gave the meeting back to Robert and he suddenly asked Jesse to come up- the place went crazy with applause. A shocked Richard ran right up and embraced Jesse- and the two mens' families hugged and cried together. They had not met before and had spent all this time at the barbecue not knowing that they shared the same story of being a GOTB dad!
Robert, and the others at Sacred Heart are on Cloud 9. I was able to confidently assure him that all of us from Get On The Bus also share that same Cloud with all of them. :)
- Karen
The second is a follow up to a story I wrote on 9/15/10 called "My Tearjerker on the Way to Brooklyn". I am not going to take credit for this one though as this story was told me by my former colleague and friend Karen. Read the e-mail she sent below. Good news all around it seems!
A few weeks ago, I shared with you a story about Robert Martinez's church Sacred Heart in West Covina. Robert is the Bus Coordinator that had the man show up at church on Sunday that was recently released from CMC. GOTB brought Richard his kids in prison, and now he has been attending church with his family every Sunday for over a month. Well, the story continues to get better.
There is now a second CMC dad that has come to Sacred Heart to say thank you.
This man, Jesse, is the son of Alice. Alice has been a volunteer with us for the last two years and has been guardian of her grandchild while Jesse was away. I met Jesse last year and let me tell you- he is the youngest looking person I'd ever seen inside prison before.
Sacred Heart is one of my favorite GOTB sponsoring agencies because the church supports the volunteers and the program 100%. Recently, the church threw a big "Thank You Barbecue" to all of the volunteers that made Get On The Bus happen last year. Robert invited Richard and Jesse- both dads from CMC- to come to the barbecue with their families as guests of honor. Instead, Richard and Jesse asked if they could just come to the barbecue as a regular attendees and desperately wanted to bring a dish also so that they could contribute. And by the way, Richard and Jesse do not know each other nor do they know OF each other. One was in East the other was in West.
At the barbecue, Robert told none of the 35 attendees about the CMC dads at the barbecue. The men and their families simply blended right in. Richard told me that the one thing that struck him right away was how different the wives of these men looked now that their men had come home. He described meeting them in the prison and seeing a "dead expression" and now these women looked radiant, proudly standing with their men at a church barbecue. He said the two men and their families socialized and laughed with others with ease during the day!
During the barbecue, Robert got up to share a few words about GOTB. He let his volunteers know how much the church raised in total and how many families were helped, etc. He then introduced Richard to come up and say a few words. To say that the barbecue attendees were floored would be an understatement. Richard spoke with such gratitude that most of the people at the barbecue were in tears.
When Richard gave the meeting back to Robert and he suddenly asked Jesse to come up- the place went crazy with applause. A shocked Richard ran right up and embraced Jesse- and the two mens' families hugged and cried together. They had not met before and had spent all this time at the barbecue not knowing that they shared the same story of being a GOTB dad!
Robert, and the others at Sacred Heart are on Cloud 9. I was able to confidently assure him that all of us from Get On The Bus also share that same Cloud with all of them. :)
- Karen
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Yesterday's Speed Workout That Almost Killed Me...
So for those of you who have followed me for a while, you know that I am an "un"runner type runner. For those of you who are newcomers, what I mean by this is that I was not made to be a runner. Growing up, I was always the slightly overweight kid who got picked last in gym class. In high school, I could barely run the mile. Who would have known some ten plus (notice- I'm not emphasizing on the plus) years later, I would be running marathons? Definitely not me!
Running is always a challenge for me, but the difference now is that I welcome the challenge. Notice, I didn't say I like the challenge, I just welcome it. Because I was not born to run like my sister or my friend Jess, I think I lose my stamina a lot quicker. Even though I just did a 10K a couple of weeks ago, when I laced up my running shoes yesterday and got out there, it felt like I hadn't been running in forever.
Instead of taking it easy, which is what most would have done, I decided that today I was going to take my new running shoes for a speed run. I got to the Ridgewood Duck Pond and I was all ready to race, but I forgot one crucial thing, my watch! Because I couldn't really judge my pace all that well, I decided to keep tempo with an in shape college-aged guy who was out in front of me. To be honest, I have no idea how fast I went; however, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was going to throw up after I was done. The crazy thing was that I only did 3 miles.
The moral of this story is that I don't know if I am just that out-of-shape or chasing this guy just made me go that much faster? I do know one thing though, now I understand why my mom always taught me not to chase a guy. ;p
Running is always a challenge for me, but the difference now is that I welcome the challenge. Notice, I didn't say I like the challenge, I just welcome it. Because I was not born to run like my sister or my friend Jess, I think I lose my stamina a lot quicker. Even though I just did a 10K a couple of weeks ago, when I laced up my running shoes yesterday and got out there, it felt like I hadn't been running in forever.
Instead of taking it easy, which is what most would have done, I decided that today I was going to take my new running shoes for a speed run. I got to the Ridgewood Duck Pond and I was all ready to race, but I forgot one crucial thing, my watch! Because I couldn't really judge my pace all that well, I decided to keep tempo with an in shape college-aged guy who was out in front of me. To be honest, I have no idea how fast I went; however, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was going to throw up after I was done. The crazy thing was that I only did 3 miles.
The moral of this story is that I don't know if I am just that out-of-shape or chasing this guy just made me go that much faster? I do know one thing though, now I understand why my mom always taught me not to chase a guy. ;p
Monday, October 11, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
What a great show!
If you haven't listened to tonight's Scales of Justice show, you need go to and check it out. (As soon as it is up, I will post it). Our guest was the renound expert on fatherhood and a personal friend of mine Dr. Ken Canfield. Ken helped to shape the way we think about fatherhood and has intensively studied the profound consequences of fatherless children. He has been a White House advisor on this issue and has written several books and articles surrounding the topic. He has been featured on Oprah, World Nightly News and Good Morning America and now he can add the Scales of Justice to his list of media appearances ;p.
During our show, Ken delivered a powerful message not only to fathers, but to children of fatherless fathers- Every child needs to know that they are loved by their father. We discussed not only why children need to be involved in their fathers lives, regardless of where the father is, but we also discussed the many programs he runs that help to strengthen the father/child bond.
He gave some very interesting stats on fathers behind bars. Did you know that almost 75% of the men in prison did not have a positive male role model in their life growing up? This is a direct feeder into a reason why so many families are locked up intergenerationally.
Our conversation was not only informative, it was intruging and at times, it was emotional. One of the many great things about Ken is his spirit and his kind nature, which you can definitely sense over the airwaves.
Thanks so much for listening and look forward being with you all on air next month!
Maria :)
During our show, Ken delivered a powerful message not only to fathers, but to children of fatherless fathers- Every child needs to know that they are loved by their father. We discussed not only why children need to be involved in their fathers lives, regardless of where the father is, but we also discussed the many programs he runs that help to strengthen the father/child bond.
He gave some very interesting stats on fathers behind bars. Did you know that almost 75% of the men in prison did not have a positive male role model in their life growing up? This is a direct feeder into a reason why so many families are locked up intergenerationally.
Our conversation was not only informative, it was intruging and at times, it was emotional. One of the many great things about Ken is his spirit and his kind nature, which you can definitely sense over the airwaves.
Thanks so much for listening and look forward being with you all on air next month!
Maria :)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Rummaging through the remnants...
Yesterday was a day filled with excitement and heartbreak, one in the same. We have left L.A. almost two months ago. We entrusted all of our things to a moving company whose warehouse had an unfortunate chain of events with a cement truck falling through the roof only to land on our stuff. Go figure those odds!
After a lot of back and forth and speculation about what had survived and what hadn't, we received our things yesterday. I'm not going to lie, it wasn't an easy day. As we opened some boxes, we had a big sigh of relief and others, we just held our breathe and bit our tongues as we thumbed through the remnants of things we used to value that were now pretty much destroyed.
I think one of the hardest things for me aside from scraping through washed out mildew stained photos and albums was when I started to realize all the things that were just totally gone: all my paintings, personalized gifts from Get On The Bus, wedding albums, my scrapbooks for my bachelorette party and shower, which took me hours to make and priceless candid shots from our reception of all our guests, including some who are no longer with us. It's funny because monetary value these things are worth almost nothing in comparison to all the furniture and kitchen appliances we lost, but the loss is much greater.
As we sauntered back into the house after doing this for most of the day, I noticed a couple of boxes off to the side. Joe picked them up and said, "I thought you might want to take a look at these."
While I was gone, he found a pair of brand new running shoes that I bought right before we left. He also found all the parting gifts Get On The Bus gave me which included a hand made book with personal notes from each one of my colleagues, a wind up fire breathing nun and a note from my own parents telling me how happy they were to have me live closer and how proud they were of who I turned out to be. Well, you know me, I couldn't help but start crying. I was almost positive that none of this stuff had made it.
Although I really wish this story had a happier ending, I am grateful for all that was salvaged. I also needed to blog about this because it seems that the man upstairs is trying to tell me something. He saved my running gear and my Get On The Bus stuff. This blog just happens to be called "runningtogetonthebus". After I left, I have been contemplating what to do with my blog? I think the answer is now quite clear, don't you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
