I have been hopping all over the state wrapping up the Mother's Day events and gearing up for this year's Father's Day events, which for us start this coming weekend at California Men's Colony (CMC) in San Luis Obispo. Through all of the hustle and bustle, I have had my own time to reflect on everything that has happened thus far this year.
There seems to be one apparent theme that carries through and that is "The beauty is in the unknown." The interesting thing about my job is I work night and day to try to make this once a year visit happen for many people who I will never get a chance to have an interaction with. Unlike our wonderful volunteers who are out there in the field meeting all the family members and getting to know their stories, I am most times either in my office or on the road dealing with the event day issues on a larger scale.
Although I do really enjoy meeting the children and families on the event day, I have come to learn that even if I met every single person who was part of this program and heard their stories, there would still be so much more to each of their stories. It is impossible to realize how much healing is actually occurring beyond this one day of visiting.
One week ago in Northern California, our bus coordinators gathered to reflect on their experiences. Our Regional Coordinator Claire told a story about a family from Modesto who wanted to go and see their mom in Chowchilla. When Claire's volunteer arrived at the home, in addition to finding the three young children and their father and an elderly grandmother, he observed a barren apartment with a queen size blow up bed in the middle of the room that everyone shared. There was no other furniture to be found. No toys for the children to play with. No place for the family to gather for meals or to even sit down for that matter. Upon leaving, the volunteer with Claire's help were able to get this very family a gift certificate from Target so that they could get some new things to furnish their place. Unfortunately, this family was not able to make our trip this year, but they did send our office a very heartfelt letter and some pictures of them enjoying their new stuff.
One of the bus coordinators talked about a mother who had not seen her daughter in many, many years. She was bringing her daughter's child to visit her for the Get On The Bus day. Before she went through security she decided that she didn't think she could face her daughter after all these years. With a little support of our bus coordinator, she was able to get enough strength for her granddaugther to walk into the visiting room. Afterwards she said that words could not express how amazingly healing this visit was for her. In addition to her daughter having a great Mother's Day, for the first time in a long time, she did too.
As some of you know from this week, I have announced that I will be leaving my position as Program Director of Get On The Bus in August to move back to the East Coast to reunite with my own family. Not only have I enjoyed the past 2 years as being the Program Director of this amazing organization, but I have enjoyed almost 6 years of being involved and connected with both this program and my awesome boss Sr. Suzanne Jabro. When I met Suzanne 6 years ago, she said, "Come and help with Get On The Bus, it's so easy."
Although "easy" may have not been the choice of adjective I would have used to describe Get On The Bus, the words supportive, enriching and truly amazing are some others that come to my mind. I have grown up professionally here at this organization and I plan to remain supportive of the program in whatever capacity I'm able. Thanks for everything you've taught me, and the support you've given both me and the program. You are some of the most committed people I know and I will miss each and every one of you deeply. Although I do not know exactly what I will be doing, I have learned from this organization that "the beauty is in the unknown" and I am sure that this experience in my life will allow me to land safely as I relocate to the NYC metro area.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Running on the run...
So, you all haven't heard from me in a while because this time of year gets very busy. Last year when Swine Flu shout us down the week of our Mother's Day event, I was given a false sense of calm in the month of May. This year, we just got done with Mother's Day and in addition to wrapping up this event with evaluations, our first Father's Day event is less than two weeks away. Ah, no rest for the weary.
One comment that many of you have said over and over again is that you would love to take up running, but have no time. I am hear to tell you that this is no longer an excuse...
I arrived to Folsom, CA on Friday to visit my friend and running mentor Jessica. In addition to us being incredibly excited to catch up, Jess couldn't wait for us to run together. Me, on the other hand, probably could wait on this as Jess is a speed demon and she runs 7 min splits. However, I realized on my way up that this was going to be a little different than expected. Jess had organized a group of "Running Girls" to get together on Saturday morning. Everyone was all different paces, but had one thing in common, they were all hooked into running by Jess! This was no surprise to me as Jess does have her way about convincing people of all shapes and sizes that they are runners, they just don't know it yet.
As I ran with Anna and April, we exchanged similar stories about how we got started with some assistance from Jess. About half way through our run Anna said, "Wait are you Jess's friend that has the blog? I love that blog." I realized then that I had gone from running mentee to a running mentor.
I want to thank Jess and the Running Girls for including me. It was a great time and it really brought me back to believing that the beauty of running is that the only thing that holds you back from doing it is yourself. No matter where you are or what you are doing, you can always just put on your shoes and go!
One comment that many of you have said over and over again is that you would love to take up running, but have no time. I am hear to tell you that this is no longer an excuse...
I arrived to Folsom, CA on Friday to visit my friend and running mentor Jessica. In addition to us being incredibly excited to catch up, Jess couldn't wait for us to run together. Me, on the other hand, probably could wait on this as Jess is a speed demon and she runs 7 min splits. However, I realized on my way up that this was going to be a little different than expected. Jess had organized a group of "Running Girls" to get together on Saturday morning. Everyone was all different paces, but had one thing in common, they were all hooked into running by Jess! This was no surprise to me as Jess does have her way about convincing people of all shapes and sizes that they are runners, they just don't know it yet.
As I ran with Anna and April, we exchanged similar stories about how we got started with some assistance from Jess. About half way through our run Anna said, "Wait are you Jess's friend that has the blog? I love that blog." I realized then that I had gone from running mentee to a running mentor.
I want to thank Jess and the Running Girls for including me. It was a great time and it really brought me back to believing that the beauty of running is that the only thing that holds you back from doing it is yourself. No matter where you are or what you are doing, you can always just put on your shoes and go!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
My newest title, "Joe's understudy"...
Today we did something that we have never done before. We went back into Central California Women's Facility (CCWF) to evaluate with the moms about how the Get On The Bus day was for them. This was a day that was filled with good insight and emotion and I am coming away from it feeling a little heavy hearted.
When I walked into the room this morning, I saw a very familiar face. Zenobia, whose daughter Devine rode Joe's bus last year, was one of the first people to fill the room. I came up to her and introduced myself as Joe's wife. She was so happy that I knew Joe. She went on and on about how great he is and how much of a crush Devine has on him. She asked me how he was doing, how the movie was coming and if he was at the institution today? I disappointed her by saying that Joe couldn't come, but I assured her that I was the next best thing. Sharing a laugh, we sat down together and she immediately opened up about her past.
The most interesting thing that I took away from our conversation was that Zenobia is the product of a lifetime of failed systems. The ironic thing was that these very systems were intended to help, but like many incarcerated women, she fell through the cracks.
Zenobia was born in Buffalo NY and abadoned as a baby. She was picked up by the state and placed into foster care. Before the age of 3, she was shuffled from different homes and orphanages, never staying more than a couple of weeks at any place. At age 3, she was adopted to a couple who also had their own biological child, a couple years older than she. Growing up, Zenobia always felt like her parents loved this child more than her. They used to make remarks to her saying, "If only, you were more like your sister, we would love you more." As she got older, she suspected that her parents may have decided to adopt her to receive state money to better the life of their eldest child.
The resentment grew in Zenobia and at an early age, she was falsely diagnosed by her social workers with conduct disorder. (As an adult, her diagnosis was revised to ADHD.) Even though academically, she was bright, she was placed into a special needs program based on her diagnosis. She felt very demoralized and unmotivated and started to try less and less. Battling with depression, she turned to drugs and alcohol as her answer. At age 14, she became a run away and was thrown into the juvenile system. She later came out and went to the court system and was emancipated at age 16 and became a ward of the state.
She hopped a bus ticket to California trying to chase a better life, but she continued to be an addict and an alcoholic. She met a man who she thought she was in love with, whose influence later landed her in prison. As she spoke about her life, she sat there sobbing. She said, "If only anyone in my life could have listened half as much as you are listening to me, maybe I wouldn't have ended up here."
Zenobia does accept full responsibility for her actions and doesn't deny that she deserves the time that she was sentenced. She has also had a positive impact on the women on the inside and wants to continue to do something positive when she gets out next year. She is committed to starting her own nonprofit to help young kids escape from street life and to give them the love that she never received.
I was so grateful for Zenobia's sharing today and her encouragement to take the negative and make it positive. In life, we all make mistakes; however, I do not believe that we are defined by these mistakes, rather we are defined by what we do to turn it around.
When I walked into the room this morning, I saw a very familiar face. Zenobia, whose daughter Devine rode Joe's bus last year, was one of the first people to fill the room. I came up to her and introduced myself as Joe's wife. She was so happy that I knew Joe. She went on and on about how great he is and how much of a crush Devine has on him. She asked me how he was doing, how the movie was coming and if he was at the institution today? I disappointed her by saying that Joe couldn't come, but I assured her that I was the next best thing. Sharing a laugh, we sat down together and she immediately opened up about her past.
The most interesting thing that I took away from our conversation was that Zenobia is the product of a lifetime of failed systems. The ironic thing was that these very systems were intended to help, but like many incarcerated women, she fell through the cracks.
Zenobia was born in Buffalo NY and abadoned as a baby. She was picked up by the state and placed into foster care. Before the age of 3, she was shuffled from different homes and orphanages, never staying more than a couple of weeks at any place. At age 3, she was adopted to a couple who also had their own biological child, a couple years older than she. Growing up, Zenobia always felt like her parents loved this child more than her. They used to make remarks to her saying, "If only, you were more like your sister, we would love you more." As she got older, she suspected that her parents may have decided to adopt her to receive state money to better the life of their eldest child.
The resentment grew in Zenobia and at an early age, she was falsely diagnosed by her social workers with conduct disorder. (As an adult, her diagnosis was revised to ADHD.) Even though academically, she was bright, she was placed into a special needs program based on her diagnosis. She felt very demoralized and unmotivated and started to try less and less. Battling with depression, she turned to drugs and alcohol as her answer. At age 14, she became a run away and was thrown into the juvenile system. She later came out and went to the court system and was emancipated at age 16 and became a ward of the state.
She hopped a bus ticket to California trying to chase a better life, but she continued to be an addict and an alcoholic. She met a man who she thought she was in love with, whose influence later landed her in prison. As she spoke about her life, she sat there sobbing. She said, "If only anyone in my life could have listened half as much as you are listening to me, maybe I wouldn't have ended up here."
Zenobia does accept full responsibility for her actions and doesn't deny that she deserves the time that she was sentenced. She has also had a positive impact on the women on the inside and wants to continue to do something positive when she gets out next year. She is committed to starting her own nonprofit to help young kids escape from street life and to give them the love that she never received.
I was so grateful for Zenobia's sharing today and her encouragement to take the negative and make it positive. In life, we all make mistakes; however, I do not believe that we are defined by these mistakes, rather we are defined by what we do to turn it around.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
This is better than Christmas...
We had a couple of bumps in the road (no pun intended) which had to do with the incompetencies of the newly awarded state contracted bus company Silverado Stages and their failure to deliver buses, (Bus C stood in the parking lot in Inglewood for 3.5 hours in the dark and the cold and some families left. All members of the company, who claimed that they would have someone available all night for dispatch and gave out the head person's cell number, didn't even respond until 5 am and when they did their comment was, "I'm sorry this happens in the transportation industry. I've called the driver and he is not picking up, you can't expect anymore from me and I don't know what else to do." For those of you who know me, you can imagine the suggestions that I gave him after he told me that. If you are outraged as well, write your local Congressman and the Department of Corrections in Sacramento about this.)
However, the rest of the event was absolutely flawless. The volunteers couldn't have been better. The visiting staffs at both of the prisons let everyone in and made all the kids feel welcome! Everyone got plenty to eat and they all got their photos. The children and the moms had such a lovely day. There were smiles abounding.
I got to spend my morning with the moms at VSPW. Being in the room with a bunch of moms who haven't seen their kids in a long time is not for the faint of heart. There were emotions surrounding and everyone had questions, which I was happy to be there to assist with, and everyone had stories. Many times, I end up getting the stories second hand because I am so busy; however, yesterday was different.
These stories are just a few of what moved me most yesterday about the visit. On behalf of me and Joe, we would like to say "Thank you" for supporting our Bus D-2. You made a difference in the lives' of many children yesterday. We are also very much in need of your continued support as we have had to add 5 extra buses to match the need for Father's Day so if you can help, that would be great!!!
Thanks!!!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
There is nothing like a mother's love...
I may be strange, well, on second thought, I am definitely strange, but one of my favorite things in the world to do is to make people's days. In some strange way when I do, it makes my day as well.
On the flip side of that, one of my most unfavorite feelings is the feeling of knowing someone is hurting and you can do nothing to comfort that hurt. This is what happened to me last week when I ventured down to CIW Prison to meet with the moms who are slated to participate in our program this Friday. When I walked into the room and asked if anyone had any questions about their families, a line of about 50 women wrapped around the small make shift "chapel" that most would consider a trailer.
Having a mom who is and always has been concerned about my wellbeing and my sister's, I knew that none of the conversations I was about to have would be brief. This, coupled with knowing that no one inside the prison communicates to the women about the program, I looked at the clock and I wanted to panic. I only had an hour and a half to adequately address all the questions the women had for me.
When I go into the prison to meet with the parents, I automatically get into a very focused zone much like right before a race. I know that I am only there for a limited amount of time and I must accomplish what I need to do because if I don't, there are no second chances. It is not like I am able to extend the amount of time I am there or come back to meet with those women who I missed the next day. It is either do or die.
As I sat down one-on-one with each of the women, I looked at the eyes of each of the others still waiting in line. I kinda felt like a postal clerk the last day to mail packages before a holiday and the post office was about to close. I was the keeper of all the knowledge that they so desperately needed and they didn't want to wait any longer. I tried to go as fast as I could with still being able to answer everyone's questions. My head was starting to pound as people were throwing problem after problem at me and I felt very inadequate because I didn't have all the answers.
Then as I was almost at the end of the line, a woman named Tina* sat down next to me. Tina* reminded me a lot of my own mom. She was beautiful and very youthful looking even though she had a daughter who was just about my age. She also had her hair and make up done perfectly because she wanted to make a good impression with me so she said!
As she sat down before she started talking, she was brought to tears. She apologized and told me that she tends to get a little emotional whenever she talks about her daughter. She told me that because of a fluke her daughter, who was once a regular visitor, hasn't been able to see her for quite a while. She said that her daughter was the only person that keeps her going. She pleaded with me telling me that her daughter has never been in trouble in her life and her visiting denial was a big mistake. She pleaded with me to call her and try to get the clearance straightened out with the prison. At this point, I was in for the long haul. I was going to do whatever I could to get this girl approved.
When I called her daughter Anna* the next day, she was very appreciative and she had already been working on getting her clearance issue resolved. I gave some more direct contacts and channels so that she could work to straighten everything out. I then had to let it go. I learned from working with this particular population that you can plant the seeds but the people have to make the plant grow. It is not by choice that it works this way, it is just that there are too many other seeds that you must sow!
To my sheer delight, I got an e-mail from the prison saying that Anna* is all set and that she is able to participate this Friday. When I called Anna* to let her know, she was elated and she sounded like a person who called into the radio and won a prize. I then told her how happy I was that this was straightened out and how much I know this would mean to her mother. I told her how lovely of a person Tina* was and she started to cry. She said that no one has ever her told her that her mother was a lovely person. She said that she was excited about the trip, but she was more excited that someone else besides her was able to see her mother for who she really is.
On the flip side of that, one of my most unfavorite feelings is the feeling of knowing someone is hurting and you can do nothing to comfort that hurt. This is what happened to me last week when I ventured down to CIW Prison to meet with the moms who are slated to participate in our program this Friday. When I walked into the room and asked if anyone had any questions about their families, a line of about 50 women wrapped around the small make shift "chapel" that most would consider a trailer.
Having a mom who is and always has been concerned about my wellbeing and my sister's, I knew that none of the conversations I was about to have would be brief. This, coupled with knowing that no one inside the prison communicates to the women about the program, I looked at the clock and I wanted to panic. I only had an hour and a half to adequately address all the questions the women had for me.
When I go into the prison to meet with the parents, I automatically get into a very focused zone much like right before a race. I know that I am only there for a limited amount of time and I must accomplish what I need to do because if I don't, there are no second chances. It is not like I am able to extend the amount of time I am there or come back to meet with those women who I missed the next day. It is either do or die.
As I sat down one-on-one with each of the women, I looked at the eyes of each of the others still waiting in line. I kinda felt like a postal clerk the last day to mail packages before a holiday and the post office was about to close. I was the keeper of all the knowledge that they so desperately needed and they didn't want to wait any longer. I tried to go as fast as I could with still being able to answer everyone's questions. My head was starting to pound as people were throwing problem after problem at me and I felt very inadequate because I didn't have all the answers.
Then as I was almost at the end of the line, a woman named Tina* sat down next to me. Tina* reminded me a lot of my own mom. She was beautiful and very youthful looking even though she had a daughter who was just about my age. She also had her hair and make up done perfectly because she wanted to make a good impression with me so she said!
As she sat down before she started talking, she was brought to tears. She apologized and told me that she tends to get a little emotional whenever she talks about her daughter. She told me that because of a fluke her daughter, who was once a regular visitor, hasn't been able to see her for quite a while. She said that her daughter was the only person that keeps her going. She pleaded with me telling me that her daughter has never been in trouble in her life and her visiting denial was a big mistake. She pleaded with me to call her and try to get the clearance straightened out with the prison. At this point, I was in for the long haul. I was going to do whatever I could to get this girl approved.
When I called her daughter Anna* the next day, she was very appreciative and she had already been working on getting her clearance issue resolved. I gave some more direct contacts and channels so that she could work to straighten everything out. I then had to let it go. I learned from working with this particular population that you can plant the seeds but the people have to make the plant grow. It is not by choice that it works this way, it is just that there are too many other seeds that you must sow!
To my sheer delight, I got an e-mail from the prison saying that Anna* is all set and that she is able to participate this Friday. When I called Anna* to let her know, she was elated and she sounded like a person who called into the radio and won a prize. I then told her how happy I was that this was straightened out and how much I know this would mean to her mother. I told her how lovely of a person Tina* was and she started to cry. She said that no one has ever her told her that her mother was a lovely person. She said that she was excited about the trip, but she was more excited that someone else besides her was able to see her mother for who she really is.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
The Get On The Bus Story
With less than one week away from our big Mother's Day trip, I thought it would be important to reflect on how Get On The Bus got started. Eleven years ago, Sr. Suzanne Jabro was leading a delegation of women who wanted to do something for the women at the Chowchilla prisons, which house 8,000 women including a death row for women. She and others recognized that women don't receive many visits so they figured that they would all go in and regularly visit the women. When she posed the idea to the women, their response was, "Why would we want to visit with strangers when we never see our children?"
Shocked, Suzanne asked each woman how long it had been since they last saw their children. As each person went around the room, it was the same story. Given cost, distance, mobility of their elderly parents who were taking care of their children, the women hadn't seen their kids between 4 and 9 years. At this point, Suzanne knew that the original plan was out and that she must find a way to bring the children.
So in 1999, Get On The Bus was born. That very year at Valley State Prison for Women a bus arrived from Los Angeles carrying 9 families and 17 children. They all hadn't seen their mothers in at least 4 years. Suzanne often reflects about the depth of the emotions displayed during that visit. Not only was their no dry eye in the room, but the women and the children were inseparable. When the young children entered the visiting room, they ran and just clung onto their moms. When the withdrawn teens came in, their shields began to fall. When the day closed and the kids got back on the bus, they were given a teddy bear from their mother. To Suzanne's great surprise, even the teenagers were hugging their bears on the way home.
Suzanne started by trying to help the women, but in reality she saw what a difference this had made for the children. She often talks about the loss the children have experienced and how you can see it in their eyes on the way to and from the prison. She also talks about the joy that the kids experience being able to be united with their mom. Just being able to hold their mother, touch her, and talk to her is really all the children need. They also get a sense that their mother is safe and this is incredibly important to their own wellbeing.
After that first year, one of the original mothers who participated in the program got out of prison. She was so moved by what GOTB had done for her and her daughter, who she had not previously seen for 9 years, that she contacted our organization. She told us that she had just landed a minimum wage paying job and although she needed the money, she felt that she had to share it with a program that gave her back her daughter. For one year, she donated 10% of her monthly salary to GOTB to help other children unite with their mothers. I am proud to say that this daughter is all grown up and is in the Army happily married with her own children and her mother is doing very well and still keeps in touch.
Every time I think of this story, I am moved to tears. It always impresses me that someone with so little had given so much. I would invite all of you who are looking for a good gift for your own mother to consider giving a gift to a child so they can be united with their own mother. For a $25 dollar donation, we will send a beautiful card for Mother's Day to the special woman of your choice. Please see https://www.getonthebus.us/tribute-donations.php for more details.
I want to thank Pasquale Vericella for throwing a lovely fundraiser this past Monday at his awesome Beverly Hills Restaurant Il Cielo. The food was absolutely incredible and your hospitality was amazing. Thank you!! I want to say good luck to some of the most special people in my life who will be participating in the Pittsburgh Marathon/ Half Marathon. Jess, girl you got me addicted to this sport. I don't know if I should say thanks or I should be swearing at you for it. You have not only been a great running mentor to me, but you have also been a great friend and I wish you luck tomorrow. Kelly, you are more than a sister, you are a friend. I know that you are going to rock the half. I am just sad that I am not running it with you. Jenee, I love you cousin! You are going to do amazing. Great luck to you and if I am not mistaken, this is your first one? Rock it ladies!!!
Shocked, Suzanne asked each woman how long it had been since they last saw their children. As each person went around the room, it was the same story. Given cost, distance, mobility of their elderly parents who were taking care of their children, the women hadn't seen their kids between 4 and 9 years. At this point, Suzanne knew that the original plan was out and that she must find a way to bring the children.
So in 1999, Get On The Bus was born. That very year at Valley State Prison for Women a bus arrived from Los Angeles carrying 9 families and 17 children. They all hadn't seen their mothers in at least 4 years. Suzanne often reflects about the depth of the emotions displayed during that visit. Not only was their no dry eye in the room, but the women and the children were inseparable. When the young children entered the visiting room, they ran and just clung onto their moms. When the withdrawn teens came in, their shields began to fall. When the day closed and the kids got back on the bus, they were given a teddy bear from their mother. To Suzanne's great surprise, even the teenagers were hugging their bears on the way home.
Suzanne started by trying to help the women, but in reality she saw what a difference this had made for the children. She often talks about the loss the children have experienced and how you can see it in their eyes on the way to and from the prison. She also talks about the joy that the kids experience being able to be united with their mom. Just being able to hold their mother, touch her, and talk to her is really all the children need. They also get a sense that their mother is safe and this is incredibly important to their own wellbeing.
After that first year, one of the original mothers who participated in the program got out of prison. She was so moved by what GOTB had done for her and her daughter, who she had not previously seen for 9 years, that she contacted our organization. She told us that she had just landed a minimum wage paying job and although she needed the money, she felt that she had to share it with a program that gave her back her daughter. For one year, she donated 10% of her monthly salary to GOTB to help other children unite with their mothers. I am proud to say that this daughter is all grown up and is in the Army happily married with her own children and her mother is doing very well and still keeps in touch.
Every time I think of this story, I am moved to tears. It always impresses me that someone with so little had given so much. I would invite all of you who are looking for a good gift for your own mother to consider giving a gift to a child so they can be united with their own mother. For a $25 dollar donation, we will send a beautiful card for Mother's Day to the special woman of your choice. Please see https://www.getonthebus.us/tribute-donations.php for more details.
I want to thank Pasquale Vericella for throwing a lovely fundraiser this past Monday at his awesome Beverly Hills Restaurant Il Cielo. The food was absolutely incredible and your hospitality was amazing. Thank you!! I want to say good luck to some of the most special people in my life who will be participating in the Pittsburgh Marathon/ Half Marathon. Jess, girl you got me addicted to this sport. I don't know if I should say thanks or I should be swearing at you for it. You have not only been a great running mentor to me, but you have also been a great friend and I wish you luck tomorrow. Kelly, you are more than a sister, you are a friend. I know that you are going to rock the half. I am just sad that I am not running it with you. Jenee, I love you cousin! You are going to do amazing. Great luck to you and if I am not mistaken, this is your first one? Rock it ladies!!!
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