As you all know, we just completed our first season of Heart to Heart on the Scales of Justice Radio Show and it went out with a bang. The topic tonight was about childhood trauma and when I say there was never a dull moment, I really do mean that. Our three experts Dr. Cohen, Dr. Sultan and Dr. Simon peeled apart the layers of childhood trauma and how it manifests in our lives and they specifically looked at the trauma children face when their parents are separated from them due to incarceration. Using play therapy and other techniques and case studies of "meeting the child where they are", they shed light on how to help start to heal the wounds that a traumatic experience leaves.
During the interview, we got a caller that really drove home to me why we need to continue to do this work. This man was in his 70's and when he got on the line, his voice was welled with emotions and he struggled to get out the words that he needed to say while fighting back the tears. He was a victim of intense childhood trauma and he had never received any help for it. This pattern of trauma followed him throughout his life and eventually led him to committing a violent crime during adulthood. You could sense the pain, guilt and sorrow over the phone line when he was reaching out to our expert guests.
I have to say there are few times that I am speechless, but for that moment, I muted my microphone and I cried my own tears for this man and for the pain he had experienced and was continuing to experience. After we finished the show, I got a chance to touch base with my guests and we all agreed initially that the show was intended to educate the general public about the topic. However, what really happened is that our listeners "met us where they were" and personalized what the experts were saying into their lives. How did a traumatic experience affect the way their life has transpired? What might have been different if they had gotten help? Why is it important to address these scenarios rather than ignore them? The candidness of this caller moved all of us to places we didn't intend to go, but I'm so glad that we did.
If you missed this show, you can catch the archive at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/scalesofjustice/2011/07/11/shirley-maria-talk-about-justice-for-the-children
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Tomorrow Night's Heart to Heart Show (last show before we go on hiatus)
This Sunday July 10th, 2011 from 9 pm-10 pm EST (6 pm-7 pm) PST
Maria and Shirley will bring to the show 3 renowned psychologists who specialize in childhood trauma. We will explore what type of trauma children are facing when their parents are arrested and sentenced to jail or prison. We will look at ways to minimize this traumatic moments for the children and how caregivers can assist in doing so. Through therapy modalities, theories and discussions, our experts will deliver a practical show that everyone who works with children shouldn't miss. This will also be our final show before we got on hiatus so stay tuned! To listen, go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/scalesofjustice.
Dr. William Salton
Dr. William Salton is a licensed clinical psychologist in the state of New York. He is a Clinical Associate Professor at the Ferkauf Graduate School of Yeshiva University, where he runs the training clinic and teaches classes on Psychopathology and Illness, Working with the Parents of Children in Psychotherapy, and the Treatment of Young Adults. He is also a faculty member and supervisor at the New York Institute for Psychotherapy Training in Infancy, Childhood and Adolescence; and the Metropolitan Institute for Training in Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy. Dr. Salton maintains private practices in New York City and Westchester County.
Dr. Tracy Simon PhD
Dr. Tracy Simon PhD., is a licensed clinical psychologist in the state of New York, currently working full time in the private practice of psychotherapy. She is the Executive Co-Director of the New York Institute for Psychotherapy Training in Infancy, Childhood and Adolescence, where she perform the administrative, organizational and management functions for the three year post-Master’s level specialization training program. In addition, Dr. Simon is an Adjunct Supervisor at the Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology, Yeshiva University in New York where she supervises doctoral students in conducting psychotherapy. Dr. Simon also volunteers clinician for the Human Rights Clinic of HealthRight International, where she received specialized training in the evaluation and psychological documentation of victims of torture. Currently, Dr. Simon is a candidate at the New York University’s Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis, studying to become a psychoanalyst. She
Phyllis Cohen, Ph.D
Dr. Phyllis Cohen is a psychoanalyst and a psychologist working with. children, adolescents and couples. She teaches at several psychoanalytic institutes and at New York University. She is the Founder and currently Co-Executive Director of the New York Institute for Psychotherapy Training in Infancy, Childhood and Adolescence (NYIPT), where she also teaches and supervises. Dr. Cohen is the Co-Director of the World Trade Center Project, working with women who were pregnant on 9/11/01 and lost their husbands, and their children. She is on the Executive Committee of the Project in Family Systems Theory and Psychoanalysis at NYU Postdoctoral Program in Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy. She heads a committee on the interface of child and family therapy in Section VIII, Psychoanalysis and Family Therapy, Division 39, American Psychological Association. She has published papers on infant, child, adolescent and family therapy.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Life lessons from inside the gate...
As some of you probably know, my job as Nursery Manager for Taconic Women's Prison was recently part of the cuts that Albany made in regards to the criminal justice system. In the mad fury to get everything wrapped up prior to my last day, I was scrambling around like a chicken with my head cut off. I was acting like "typical Maria" taking on way too many things each day just to make sure the transition for the women and the move out process for Hour Children and the prison was a smooth one. During this time, I became a stranger to anything except for my task at-hand. Then on a random Wednesday evening about two weeks ago, I was invited to a life skills graduation inside the County Jail in Newark, NJ.
To be honest when I first got the invitation, I was ready to respond back with my regrets. I was already spending two nights that week working late at my other jobs and I really didn't want to part with a third. The time of the event also wasn't faring well for me. It was set to be from 6-9 pm and when you get up at 5 am to go to work the thought of losing a couple extra hours sleep isn't a huge sales point. I also thought about the traffic. I would be working all day and then driving almost 80 miles or so from work to go to this event. There were so many cons so I decided to draft an e-mail to the organizer saying thanks, but no thanks.
As I started on the e-mail, I wrote several versions of reasons why I couldn't go. However, they all seemed to be shallow. "Sorry I can't go because I have to work." -Well so does everyone else who was invited. "Sorry, but the drive will be too much." - Too much for someone who is going to be able to catch up on sleep and time in a couple of weeks?
As I re-read the e-mail text, I was striking out even more. The whole point of the life skills class was for women to come together and work on themselves. The class wasn't mandatory and the women who came mostly gave up privileges and their own free time to be part of it. For 8 weeks, the women wrote essays and poems, watched and analysed films, and became part of a therapeutic group that looked into the root causes of why they ended up in lifestyle that lead them to jail. For most of the women, this was the first time they had seen through any type of positive commitment in their lives. Now I couldn't give up a few hours of my free time to be a part of their accomplishments?
I erased all the previous drafts of my e-mails and wrote a few lines, "It would be my pleasure to be part of this experience." With that, I committed.
As I suddenly approached all the traffic that was flowing in my direction, I started to tense up and I really wanted to just turn around and go home. However, I kept on going and managed to make it by nothing short of a miracle with even a few minutes to spare.
As we processed into the jail, I have the feeling I always do going inside. My heart races and for a minute, as the gates close behind me, I feel trapped. I understand freedom as I've known it just a few seconds ago is no more. For the next block of time (possibly more depending on if anything out-of-the-ordinary happens), I am committing myself to playing by a new set of rules, where every move is watched and at any time, things can "go sideways," which is a term commonly used inside when things get ugly. At this point, I take a deep breath and say a small prayer and adjust to my new surroundings. During this time, a weird burst of energy surges through my body and I know that I'm ready.
As we walked into the room, there were women of all different shapes and sizes. Some tattooed, some pierced, but all looked hardened from the lifestyle they were accustomed to on the outside. Just as I was sizing them up, I could feel their stares coming down on me too. I know that this will seem strange, but for me, being inside of a female jail is much scary than being inside of a max men's prison. Reason being that in a jail people are transient and they are awaiting trial, many are trying to prove themselves and establish hierarchies. No one knows each other that well and therefore, the culture is very unsettled and being unsettled in a facility is never a good thing. Then to throw on top of this being a woman visitor inside of a women's facility that's another dynamic and this causes the women inside to throw up additional guards.
However, with women once you can break down the barriers and find some commonalities, the dynamics change drastically. As part of the ceremony, this was an exercise that we all did. As the outsiders explained who they were and why they chose to be a part of this celebration, you could see the women's faces start to soften. Then after we had some conversation and a meal together, the women got to share a piece of themselves- a final paper that they wrote about their lives. As each women shared, they became more and more vulnerable. They talked about their addictions, but they focused mostly on what led them to this life. Tearfully each woman recanted horrible stories of childhood abuse, murders of their family members and being raised on the streets. In respect and confidence for these women, I am choosing not to share the specifics here. However, I do want to share one story of a woman who was just sentenced and will be leaving the jail to serve a 10-life sentence for a murder that her boyfriend committed while she sat outside in the car high on meth with no recollection of anything that happened that night.
She is a young mother and is now in recovery and she is using her writing to help get her through. She talked about two African proverbs that have helped shape her and turn her life around. The first is, "Never test the water with both feet." The second, "Don't look where you've fallen, but where you've tripped." She crafted a well written piece about how these two proverbs were the way that she lived her life prior to her being inside. She was always trying the next best thing and cycling through people and things to find some sort of meaning in her life. When she wasn't able to, she would use the drugs to coat her pain and now that she is not able to do this, she is forced to look inside and find out all the lose ends that have been ignored.
As she read her piece, it brought a tear to my eye as I could understand where she was going. Although I couldn't relate to the addict piece, I could relate to the proverbs. I saw myself inside of both of them. I have a gusto for life and sometimes this leads me to trip and jump into waters too shallow for me. I was doing this right now even before my current job had ended, I was trying to make way to jump into something else.
As I drove back that night, I reflected on what she said and I have since decided to tread a little more carefully. Although I have no idea what the next step will be, I am at peace in committing myself a bit more to the process to find the right thing, not the right now thing.
To be honest when I first got the invitation, I was ready to respond back with my regrets. I was already spending two nights that week working late at my other jobs and I really didn't want to part with a third. The time of the event also wasn't faring well for me. It was set to be from 6-9 pm and when you get up at 5 am to go to work the thought of losing a couple extra hours sleep isn't a huge sales point. I also thought about the traffic. I would be working all day and then driving almost 80 miles or so from work to go to this event. There were so many cons so I decided to draft an e-mail to the organizer saying thanks, but no thanks.
As I started on the e-mail, I wrote several versions of reasons why I couldn't go. However, they all seemed to be shallow. "Sorry I can't go because I have to work." -Well so does everyone else who was invited. "Sorry, but the drive will be too much." - Too much for someone who is going to be able to catch up on sleep and time in a couple of weeks?
As I re-read the e-mail text, I was striking out even more. The whole point of the life skills class was for women to come together and work on themselves. The class wasn't mandatory and the women who came mostly gave up privileges and their own free time to be part of it. For 8 weeks, the women wrote essays and poems, watched and analysed films, and became part of a therapeutic group that looked into the root causes of why they ended up in lifestyle that lead them to jail. For most of the women, this was the first time they had seen through any type of positive commitment in their lives. Now I couldn't give up a few hours of my free time to be a part of their accomplishments?
I erased all the previous drafts of my e-mails and wrote a few lines, "It would be my pleasure to be part of this experience." With that, I committed.
As I suddenly approached all the traffic that was flowing in my direction, I started to tense up and I really wanted to just turn around and go home. However, I kept on going and managed to make it by nothing short of a miracle with even a few minutes to spare.
As we processed into the jail, I have the feeling I always do going inside. My heart races and for a minute, as the gates close behind me, I feel trapped. I understand freedom as I've known it just a few seconds ago is no more. For the next block of time (possibly more depending on if anything out-of-the-ordinary happens), I am committing myself to playing by a new set of rules, where every move is watched and at any time, things can "go sideways," which is a term commonly used inside when things get ugly. At this point, I take a deep breath and say a small prayer and adjust to my new surroundings. During this time, a weird burst of energy surges through my body and I know that I'm ready.
As we walked into the room, there were women of all different shapes and sizes. Some tattooed, some pierced, but all looked hardened from the lifestyle they were accustomed to on the outside. Just as I was sizing them up, I could feel their stares coming down on me too. I know that this will seem strange, but for me, being inside of a female jail is much scary than being inside of a max men's prison. Reason being that in a jail people are transient and they are awaiting trial, many are trying to prove themselves and establish hierarchies. No one knows each other that well and therefore, the culture is very unsettled and being unsettled in a facility is never a good thing. Then to throw on top of this being a woman visitor inside of a women's facility that's another dynamic and this causes the women inside to throw up additional guards.
However, with women once you can break down the barriers and find some commonalities, the dynamics change drastically. As part of the ceremony, this was an exercise that we all did. As the outsiders explained who they were and why they chose to be a part of this celebration, you could see the women's faces start to soften. Then after we had some conversation and a meal together, the women got to share a piece of themselves- a final paper that they wrote about their lives. As each women shared, they became more and more vulnerable. They talked about their addictions, but they focused mostly on what led them to this life. Tearfully each woman recanted horrible stories of childhood abuse, murders of their family members and being raised on the streets. In respect and confidence for these women, I am choosing not to share the specifics here. However, I do want to share one story of a woman who was just sentenced and will be leaving the jail to serve a 10-life sentence for a murder that her boyfriend committed while she sat outside in the car high on meth with no recollection of anything that happened that night.
She is a young mother and is now in recovery and she is using her writing to help get her through. She talked about two African proverbs that have helped shape her and turn her life around. The first is, "Never test the water with both feet." The second, "Don't look where you've fallen, but where you've tripped." She crafted a well written piece about how these two proverbs were the way that she lived her life prior to her being inside. She was always trying the next best thing and cycling through people and things to find some sort of meaning in her life. When she wasn't able to, she would use the drugs to coat her pain and now that she is not able to do this, she is forced to look inside and find out all the lose ends that have been ignored.
As she read her piece, it brought a tear to my eye as I could understand where she was going. Although I couldn't relate to the addict piece, I could relate to the proverbs. I saw myself inside of both of them. I have a gusto for life and sometimes this leads me to trip and jump into waters too shallow for me. I was doing this right now even before my current job had ended, I was trying to make way to jump into something else.
As I drove back that night, I reflected on what she said and I have since decided to tread a little more carefully. Although I have no idea what the next step will be, I am at peace in committing myself a bit more to the process to find the right thing, not the right now thing.
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