So much to be thankful for...

About a year ago, I watched the Biggest Loser Marathon episode and was inspired.  I started to reflect upon my life, self improvement and a sense of accomplishment and I came up with the wacky idea to run the LA Marathon to raise money for Get On The Bus.  Although in thought this was great, in theory I had no idea what I was doing.  How would I be able to promote this idea and garner support for it in a direct way?  

I started to brainstorm and I came up with the idea of possibly starting a blog.  However, I had thought this to be something only for the technically gifted, which many of you know, I am not.  I bounced around the idea with a couple of friends.  Not only did they buy into it, but they kept on asking, "Did you start that blog yet?"  

I used many excuses saying that I was too busy at work or that as soon as I get through X, I am going to get it up and running.  However, one fateful day I opened up my mail and found out I was summoned to jury duty.  Now jury duty for someone with my personality is pretty much a death sentence.  For those of you who know me well, you will know that I am constantly overextending myself and I thrive on busyness and high pressure situations.  How was I to go to a court house for 8 hours and just sit there?  

I had heard a little rumor that they had WiFi there so I brought around my laptop and after about an hour of goofing around on facebook, reading the news and other Hollywood gossip columns, I decided to venture into an unknown world.  I had heard about blogger.com from many, but still had not ever went on the site.  As I stroked the words, my heart started to race as I realized that this may be in fact the day that I either land my own blog or get very frustrated in the process.

I read the instructions and started playing around with different templates and in about an hour or so, my blog was set up.  Again, I thought this could be a passing fad and I am just going to do it for a month to see how it goes.  Well, after a month, my readership picked up and I was starting to do exactly what I set out to do: I was training and raising money for Get On The Bus and this became my vehicle to do both.  So as I sit here about a year later, I am now reflecting this Thanksgiving about all the gifts that I am thankful for.  Here's what I would like to share with you:

1.  My family and friends.  I by far am the luckiest person alive because I have the best family both biological and in-laws and friends that anyone could ever dream of.  We have overcome a lot together but you all have continued to stick by me and show me unconditional love.  I cherish the relationship that we have together and hope that it continues to grow and blossom over time.  Thank you all so much for loving me!!

2.  Adversity.  When I meet people, one comment that they always make is that being so young, I have been able to accomplish a lot.  I attribute this to have lived a lot of life in my 29 years.  Many things have happened to me and my family that have not happened to others and instead of getting down about this, it is my motivation to keep on pushing.  As my dad always says the true definition of courage is "composure under pressure."

3.  Change.  There are two constants in this world- death and taxes and everything else is constantly changing.  I am grateful that my life is full of surprises and constant change.  This year especially has been interesting with a cross country move, losing most of our things and changing jobs.  Although at times, I want to bang my head up against the wall, I recognize and realize that change is the universe's way of moving everything into exactly where it should be.

4.  Grace.  As I said in a previous blog entry, the most important features of my life have all come by grace.  I had never planned to meet my husband Joe, get involved with Sr. Suzanne and Get On The Bus, co-host a radio show or have this blog.  Thank God grace had planned all of this for me.

5.  Inspiration.  Just as many of you have commented that I have inspired you by what I am doing, you have equally inspired me.  Some of you have completed your first races ever this year as a reaction to this blog.  Others have gotten their PRs.  Some of you have decided to volunteer and give back to causes that you believe in.  I am not at all taking credit for any of this but I am proud of your accomplishments.  May you continue to motivate me!

6.  Voice.  I am so excited that in NYC last week a panel of about 200 people got together to specifically talk about children who have incarcerated parents.  It was a completely engaging day with not only professionals in the field but political leaders both at the city and the state level.  We also got to hear the voice of the children, which I think is always an important piece.  The policy recommendations we all came up with will be given to the new governor elect in the new year.  This is so big because this is the first time that anything like this has ever happened and I was honored to be part of it.

7.  All of my readers and listeners.  I thank all of you for following me, no matter who you are or what your opinion might be.  I was having a discussion with someone the other day and they said that I was really brave to have the blog and the radio show that I do.  The concept can be a little controversial and I realize that not everyone agrees with me.  I am grateful for all of your opinions as they add intelligent conversation to a topic even though I still do believe that mine is just the more correct one ;p.  However, I think we can all agree that we need to do something to help our next generation and save our children.  

Happy Thanksgiving to all.  I invite you to take a couple minutes and reflect on the gifts that you are thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Last Night's Show

Hello Everyone,

Last night's Scales of Justice show was really incredible.  A recent study from NewsOK found that children with incarcerated parents in the state of Oklahoma are five times as likely to become incarcerated than their peers.  We looked at the issues affecting children with incarcerated parents from the inside out. 

The show was empowering and uplifting.  We talked with Dawn Davison, the former Warden of California Institute for Women in Corona, CA and Sharon Content, Founder and Executive Director of Children of Promise in Brooklyn, NY. 

If you haven't yet, this is one that you don't want to miss. 

http://www.latalkradio.com/images/Scales-111410.mp3

Helping the children from the inside out...Tonight's Scales of Justice Topic

Just a reminder to all my readers, tonight is my Scales of Justice show and it is going to be awesome.  Our topic as always is how to help the children.  This month we have an inside/outside, east coast/west coast vibe with our two guests.

Dawn Davison is the former Warden of California Institute for Women.  She is an amazingly progressive thinker when it comes to programming for women in prison and reuniting them with their families.  Gigi Breland, who was my September guest and who I have talked about several times on my blog, served 29 years at CIW and when Dawn retired she said that "Dawn was truly a gem and would be missed by all the women at the women."  This really struck me because normally people in prison and the Warden of the prison naturally clash, but in Dawn's case, she would walk the yard almost daily talking and greeting the women.

Sharon Content is the Founder and Executive Director of Children of Promise in Brooklyn NY.  She came along the path of helping children of incarcerated parents after she realized that many of the at risk children that she was serving in her previous positions all had a parent in prison.  She set up her agency to serve the Bedford Stuyesant section.  She has a mentor program, an afterschool program and a summer camp.

Shirley and I are really excited for our guests and hope that you will tune in tonight at 6 pm- 7 pm PST/ 9 pm- 10 pm EST.  Below are the instructions:

1.  Go to www.latalkradio.com.
2.  On the right hand side of the page under Channel 2, click "listen live."

As always, I will post the archive on my blog after the show.  However, this is one that I wouldn't miss!!

Breathe, just breathe...

So if you know me at all, you will know that flying is probably one of my least favorite things in the world.  Everytime I have to fly, not does it invoke a horrible feeling in my gut, but it really is traumatic.  Strangely enough, my sister has similar issues.  Don't ask me why or how my mother was a flight attendant for years up until I was born?   I guess some things will just remain a mystery.

However, this weekend I took off for a long weekend in South Beach to spend some quality time with my sister.  As I was getting ready for my flight, I noticed that one crucial item was missing...my anxiety pills that tend to just help to take the edge off.  Crap! Out of all things to be destroyed during the moving accident, why these?  I only take them on rare occasions, but they are life savers. 

As I approached my gate at Newark airport, I sat down at the bar and went to fall back number two: a glass of wine.  When the bartender came over and asked whether I would like a large or small glass, I told her that I hated to fly and asked her what she suggested?  A large glass it was.  I don't know what it is, but wine just seems to make the world seem like a better place.  As I finished my glass, I started to feel that I could handle it.

I boarded my flight and it was looking like I would have the whole row to myself.  Then right before the seat belt sign came on a man asked if he could sit at the window seat.  Sure, what did I care?  He sat down and started to talk with me.  I learned that he was flying to Columbia to adopt an 11 year old child name Jose.  As we questioned each other about our careers, I learned something crucial.  He was a breathing coach.  Holy crap, this one was a match made in heaven.  As we took off, I told him that I wasn't a great flyer and he said, "You just need to exhale a little more."

So I did.  Did it help?  Yes, it did.  So next time you are in a panic about something, don't forget to exhale.  As for now, I am going to have to sign off as the South Beach rays are calling my name.  Ta ta for now...

Don't get ahead of grace...

The one thing that I have found true about life is that it is unpredictable.  One minute you can feel on top of the world and the next you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders bearing down on you.  Large life changes can definitely set a flurry of these emotions into action.  Since we have moved, I have had the pleasure of being the windshield a few times, but mostly I've been the bug. 

Last Thursday I had an especially rough day filled with disappointment and I did what I always do when I am faced with a challenge...I phoned a nun.  If you look at my address book, it isn't hard to do as probably a good fourth of the people in it are nuns.  The ironic thing about all of it is my love for nuns surfaced after I was received into the Episcopal faith.  Go figure.  It's the one lasting Catholic thing about me that just won't go away.  It also makes Grandma proud which is also another good life rule to live by ;p.

The reason why I use the 'phone-a-nun policy' is that nuns don't always have the answer (no offense nun posse love you all!!!), but they have the ability to make not knowing the answer become the true answer.  It is uncanny how this happens and how it can make you turn a truly superficial feeling into a philosophical life lesson.  As I went into deep conversation with Sr. Suzanne telling her all the intricacies of why I was feeling like the bug, she was attentive in listening.  At the end, she offered a very insightful piece of advice:  "Maria, don't get ahead of grace."

As soon as she said this, I thought, "What is this supposed to mean?"  However, after we got off the phone, I was able to do a little reflection about it and it was probably one of the best pieces of advice I've been given in a long time if not ever. 

We live in a fix-it society.  Don't believe me, turn on the t.v.  There are a million products designed to solve problems that you didn't even know you had.  Don't want to bend over to wash your feet?  Don't worry there is a feet scrubber you can install in the bottom of your tub so you no longer have to worry.  Too busy to open a bottle of wine?  There is a device that requires no energy on your part and at the push of a button, the cork is out and you are enjoying your favorite pinot.  You get the point. 

I think that all of these things bleed over and have driven our personal and professional expectations to an  level.  How many times have you listened to a friend's problems and you felt the expectation to jump in there and solve them?  How many times have you found yourself impatient when you felt that you were doing everything right, but the end result wasn't coming soon enough?  How many times have you taken someone else's rejection of you or your work to heart when you know that it was unmerited?  How many times have you been out with a group of people whom you felt you couldn't measure up to in some way?  I bet the answer is way too many.  I know for me, I have become so programmed to make the impossible possible that when I can't, it becomes devastating.  However, looking back on my life, the things that and the people I value most have all happened by the power of grace.  I didn't go out and search for Joe.  I didn't go out and search for my job at Get On The Bus.  I didn't search for my family or my friends.  I didn't even need to have a casting call for my nun posse.  They all found me.  I leave you with the words of Sr. Suzanne, "Don't get ahead of grace."

I hope everyone will take some time to reflect on this.  Comments are welcome.

Stella* has resurfaced...

So many of you may remember reading about my dear friend Stella* who is one of the family members we served on Get On The Bus.  Stella* has appeared in several of my posts starting on 2/13/10.  Just for reminder's sake, she is the woman who I met during what we are both convinced was a 'fate induced' phone call.  She was desperate to get her boyfriend's two little boys to visit him at the California Men's Colony prison, as their mom had just suddenly passed from cancer and they hadn't seen their dad in many years.  Again through a true miracle and the help of my fantastic staff at the time, we were able to do it.  From then on, we have referred to each other as "The Holy Hook-Ups," as nothing short of a miracle happened to successfully get the boys to see their estranged father.

The thing that I love about Stella* is that she just doesn't go away.  She constantly used to call me at the Get On The Bus office.  If she couldn't get a hold of me, she used to leave me messages that lasted for 10-15 minutes where she would pick up from the last time we talked, which in some cases could be quite a while.  She has a very funny and endearing way to make you burst out laughing with joy and also cry with the turns her life seems to take. 

She also has this undying belief that I am someone whose name means something.  Even though I have told her time and time again that people don't care about who I am and that dropping my name to people won't help her, she is insistent that it does.  What is even more crazy is that sometimes it works!  Again, I take no credit for this, but she has threatened to call me when the prison wouldn't let her into visit with her loved one and miraculously according to her, the gates opened.  Another time she called me during a court hearing while she was being tried and told me to talk with the judge.  I said, "Stella*, hang up this phone right now.  You are going to get in trouble."  She then said, "Maria, I tried to not call you but I told the judge that I was going to do it.  You know me, I am a woman of my word."  Luckily, she did listen to me and she hung up the phone before the judge saw her on it and she was released from the court for a wrongful conviction. 

When my phone rang the other day and I saw an L.A. area code, I had no idea who was on the other end.  I decided to let the call go to voicemail and when I picked it up, guess who had left one of her infamous messages?  You got it...Stella*.  In her normal way, her message went through a gammit of emotions.  She first told me that she was very angry at me for leaving her.  Who could she call now while she was in court?  Who could be her new Holy Hook-Up?  She said that no one asked for her vote on me leaving.  She then started laughing and said, "Girl, you know I'm playing.  I do miss you though.  I called your office 15 times and listened to the voice message for your name.  When it didn't happen, I dialed Jennifer and asked her where you were?  She said New York and she asked if I could help her?  You know what my response was...if the name is not Maria or Karen, you can't help me.  Get me Maria's phone number.  I gotta put this on my speed dial."

I called Stella* back and she shared with me that she is actually going to be moving to the East Coast too.  She needs to be by her own family in Maryland.  It was so wonderful to catch up with her and for her to make sure that I didn't slip through the cracks.  As always, she is always grateful for my ear and she truly believes that I have all the answers she needs.  However, this time on the phone, I was able to give her a gift.  I was able to tell her for all this time that it wasn't me that was solving anything, it was her.  She was able to pull herself up in times of need, I was just a sound board.  For the first time ever, she got that and I could hear the emotion coming through the phone.  As we hung up, she asked, "Maria, can we still talk on the phone even though you are a sound board?" 

My response, "Stella* that's what friends are for?" 

Be a friend today to someone who needs it.  :)

*Names have been changed.

Nuns, Ex-Cons and a Room Filled with Cats...

With a title like that, hopefully I have gotten your attention.  For anyone else, these are three totally unrelated items all with which you may have a second thought about encountering, but for me, this is my heaven on Earth.  Call me crazy (and many do), but I got to pay a visit to Hour Children yesterday.

For those of you who didn't see their spot on CBS News a couple of weeks ago, this organization helps children who have incarcerated mothers and women in and coming out of prison.  It is run by Sr. Tesa Fizgerald, a sister of St. Joseph (my favorite order which houses all my Cali nuns).  I have to admit when I got there, I was feeling a little down in the dumps because of some recent disappointments.  However, when I walked into Sr. Tesa's office and I was greeted by none other than a black and white tuxedo cat, I knew my day was bound to turn around.

As we talked and she told me all of what Hour Children  had been up to in the past three years, which is the last time I saw her, and I was amazed.  They had an afterschool program, a thrift shop, a beauty salon, a mentoring program, supportive housing, classes inside for women, and a job readiness program.  It reminded me a lot of Homeboy Industries in California.

The beauty of all of it was that the women who had come out and went through the program were working for her now.  As you walked around, you could see God's grace throughout the multiple buildings.  Everyone was so excited to be there and to be giving back to other women and children.  The energy is something that I have missed since I left Get On The Bus.

One of the things that the organization prides itself on is second chances.  However, the second chances do really make a difference for the women.  According to the Bureau of Justice Stats,  30% of all incarcerated women in NY State go back to prison.  Compare this to just 4% of women who participate in Hour Children programs.  I was so inspired that by the time I left, I signed up to be a Mentor.  The volunteer commitment is 8 hours a month for a year. You are matched with a woman who is just coming out who is similar to you.  As a Mentor, you walk with the woman as she comes out.  Most of the work is done via phone and e-mail and there is normally a get together gathering once a month.  I am going for my training on Saturday and I am very excited about it!

The moral of today's story is that everyone has downer days, but when you do, find whatever it is that you need to pick yourself up.  If you don't know, try my recipe for happiness: nuns, ex-cons and cats! ;p