I read a book...

Well, okay I guess I've probably read a couple more than one in my life.  However, this is the first book I recorded for the public to hear.  While I was away in California in August, I not only received a copy of my documentary debut, but I also narrated my good friend Michael Hebler's children's book The Night After Christmas.  I know many of you have little people to buy for this Christmas.  I highly suggest this book.  Not only is the text catchy and fun, but the illustrations are enough to keep any child interested.  Take a look and a listen and let me know what you think.

A workout involving wine? Sign me up!!

As the fall season comes upon us and the dark mornings and crisp weather are abound, it becomes particularly hard, at least for me, to drag myself out of bed any earlier to get in a morning workout.  However, this fall the times they are a changin'!  

Not only do I have an awesome new running partner Jodi, who is a lightning fast runner, she also has some really creative ways to motivate people around her to keep in shape.  What is Jodi's magic you may ask?  Well aside from her upbeat personality, which is much appreciated during our AM workout regimes, she uses the Pavlov's Principle of rewards for good behavior.  

Now I know what you are thinking, how does this work?  Why would you workout only to consume the calories back?  Although if you want my opinion, isn't this why we workout anyways?  It's my love of food that keeps me working out harder and harder because the more I workout, the more I can eat!

However, this is a bit of a different model- allow me to explain...  For about the past two weeks, I have been participating in a push up/sit up wine challenge.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I would do just about anything for a glass (or two) of good wine and in this challenge it is no different.  Every day, I must do the agreed amount of sit ups and push ups and if I forgot or fail to do so, I must buy the remaining people in the group a bottle of wine.  Each week the number of sit ups/push ups increase and the object of the game is to be the last chick standing (or sitting and pushing up ;p).  Since there are 13 people in the group, there is a possibility to get a case of wine.   

Now when Jodi invited me to do this challenge one thing that she didn't realize is that I take these things very seriously.  With my determined spirit and a tight budget, I refuse to lose.  Hopefully in a few months from now, I won't be whining so much about working out in the cool weather as I will be consuming a well deserved bottle or 12 of wine!  Game on!

On another note, a special congratulations to my sister Kelly, as she qualified yesterday for the Boston Marathon with a time of 3:36!!!  This is an especially sweet victory as she missed qualifying in the spring by only 10 seconds.  I am so proud of you Kel!  You are my running idol!  During the race, she was surrounded with the support of my parents, my Aunt Diane and of course Gram, who never misses a beat.  As Gram said to me, "Well, I guess now we all have to go to Boston."  I'm very much looking forward to April and can't wait to be there to cheer her on!

My SoCal GOTB Surprise...

As some of you know, I was out in California for about 10 days.  The main impetus for my trip was the wedding of my brother-in-law Tom to his new bride my now sister-in-law Erin.  The wedding couldn't have been  more beautiful and the good kharma seemed to carry throughout the rest of the trip.  I got a chance to get up to the Get On The Bus office on Friday, August 5 to meet with my old boss and founder of Get On The Bus Sr. Suzanne Jabro.

This was an especially special trip because almost 1 year ago to the day, I had left California for the East Coast and within the course of last year, Suzanne has also moved into her new role of Founder so this was the first time we were both back at the office.  I drove down Camellia Ave. just like old times and parked my car.  When I got into the office, I saw a film crew setting up their equipment in our dining room.  As always, I chalked it up to another day at GOTB.  However, I had no idea what was in store for my visit.  The truth, which I didn't know at the time, was the film crew was there to present Suzanne, me and Get On The Bus a documentary they had shot right before I left.

After being greeted by the new Get On The Bus staff, I was told that there was a surprise in store.  As I came back out to the dining room, I was greeted by Maureen Herman, founder of Project Noise (www.projectnoise.org), a nonprofit film organization that creates short documentary style videos for nonprofits.  During last year's event, Project Noise (www.projectnoise.org) had filmed a bus that my husband Joe coordinating leaving from South LA and going to Chowchilla Women's Prison for Mother's Day.  Like any other nonprofit, after they were able to find the funding to shoot the footage, they had to look for another grant to support the editing and post production process.  For those of you who are aspiring film makers, you know this is no easy task.  Thankfully, a foundation stepped forward and supported this process and below is the final result.

I want to give a huge THANK YOU to Project Noise and Maureen for being so persistent in the process and for painting the story of the families in a powerful yet concise format. Also a big THANK YOU to the new GOTB staff, mainly Kathy the new ED for coordinating the surprise.  It was truly a blessing to be a part of all of this and more good things to come in the future!

Moved in the moment...

As you all know, we just completed our first season of Heart to Heart on the Scales of Justice Radio Show and it went out with a bang.  The topic tonight was about childhood trauma and when I say there was never a dull moment, I really do mean that.  Our three experts Dr. Cohen, Dr. Sultan and Dr. Simon peeled apart the layers of childhood trauma and how it manifests in our lives and they specifically looked at the trauma children face when their parents are separated from them due to incarceration.  Using play therapy and other techniques and case studies of "meeting the child where they are", they shed light on how to help start to heal the wounds that a traumatic experience leaves.

During the interview, we got a caller that really drove home to me why we need to continue to do this work.  This man was in his 70's and when he got on the line, his voice was welled with emotions and he struggled to get out the words that he needed to say while fighting back the tears.  He was a victim of intense childhood trauma and he had never received any help for it.  This pattern of trauma followed him throughout his life and eventually led him to committing a violent crime during adulthood.  You could sense the pain, guilt and sorrow over the phone line when he was reaching out to our expert guests.

I have to say there are few times that I am speechless, but for that moment, I muted my microphone and I cried my own tears for this man and for the pain he had experienced and was continuing to experience.  After we finished the show, I got a chance to touch base with my guests and we all agreed initially that the show was intended to educate the general public about the topic.  However, what really happened is that our listeners "met us where they were" and personalized what the experts were saying into their lives.  How did a traumatic experience affect the way their life has transpired?  What might have been different if they had gotten help?  Why is it important to address these scenarios rather than ignore them?  The candidness of this caller moved all of us to places we didn't intend to go, but I'm so glad that we did.

If you missed this show, you can catch the archive at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/scalesofjustice/2011/07/11/shirley-maria-talk-about-justice-for-the-children

Tomorrow Night's Heart to Heart Show (last show before we go on hiatus)

This Sunday July 10th, 2011 from 9 pm-10 pm EST (6 pm-7 pm) PST

Maria and Shirley will bring to the show 3 renowned psychologists who specialize in childhood trauma.  We will explore what type of trauma children are facing when their parents are arrested and sentenced to jail or prison.  We will look at ways to minimize this traumatic moments for the children and how caregivers can assist in doing so.  Through therapy modalities, theories and discussions, our experts will deliver a practical show that everyone who works with children shouldn't miss.  This will also be our final show before we got on hiatus so stay tuned!  To listen, go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/scalesofjustice.  

Dr. William Salton

Dr. William Salton is a licensed clinical psychologist in the state of New York. He is a Clinical Associate Professor at the Ferkauf Graduate School of Yeshiva University, where he runs the training clinic and teaches classes on Psychopathology and Illness, Working with the Parents of Children in Psychotherapy, and the Treatment of Young Adults. He is also a faculty member and supervisor at the New York Institute for Psychotherapy Training in Infancy, Childhood and Adolescence; and the Metropolitan Institute for Training in Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy. Dr. Salton maintains private practices in New York City and Westchester County.

Dr. Tracy Simon PhD

Dr. Tracy Simon PhD., is a licensed clinical psychologist in the state of New York, currently working full time in the private practice of psychotherapy. She is the Executive Co-Director of the New York Institute for Psychotherapy Training in Infancy, Childhood and Adolescence, where she perform the administrative, organizational and management functions for the three year post-Master’s level specialization training program. In addition, Dr. Simon is an Adjunct Supervisor at the Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology, Yeshiva University in New York where she supervises doctoral students in conducting psychotherapy. Dr. Simon also volunteers clinician for the Human Rights Clinic of HealthRight International, where she received specialized training in the evaluation and psychological documentation of victims of torture. Currently, Dr. Simon is a candidate at the New York University’s Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis, studying to become a psychoanalyst.  She

Phyllis Cohen, Ph.D

Dr. Phyllis Cohen  is a psychoanalyst and a psychologist working with. children, adolescents and couples. She teaches at several psychoanalytic institutes and at New York University. She is the Founder and currently Co-Executive Director of the New York Institute for Psychotherapy Training in Infancy, Childhood and Adolescence (NYIPT), where she also teaches and supervises. Dr. Cohen is the Co-Director of the World Trade Center Project, working with women who were pregnant on 9/11/01 and lost their husbands, and their children. She is on the Executive Committee of the Project in Family Systems Theory and Psychoanalysis at NYU Postdoctoral Program in Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy. She heads a committee on the interface of child and family therapy in Section VIII, Psychoanalysis and Family Therapy, Division 39, American Psychological Association. She has published papers on infant, child, adolescent and family therapy.

Life lessons from inside the gate...

As some of you probably know, my job as Nursery Manager for Taconic Women's Prison was recently part of the cuts that Albany made in regards to the criminal justice system. In the mad fury to get everything wrapped up prior to my last day, I was scrambling around like a chicken with my head cut off.  I was acting like "typical Maria" taking on way too many things each day just to make sure the transition for the women and the move out process for Hour Children and the prison was a smooth one.  During this time, I became a stranger to anything except for my task at-hand.  Then on a random Wednesday evening about two weeks ago, I was invited to a life skills graduation inside the County Jail in Newark, NJ.

To be honest when I first got the invitation, I was ready to respond back with my regrets.  I was already spending two nights that week working late at my other jobs and I really didn't want to part with a third.  The time of the event also wasn't faring well for me.  It was set to be from 6-9 pm and when you get up at 5 am to go to work the thought of losing a couple extra hours sleep isn't a huge sales point.  I also thought about the traffic.  I would be working all day and then driving almost 80 miles or so from work to go to this event.  There were so many cons so I decided to draft an e-mail to the organizer saying thanks, but no thanks.

As I started on the e-mail, I wrote several versions of reasons why I couldn't go.  However, they all seemed to be shallow.  "Sorry I can't go because I have to work." -Well so does everyone else who was invited.  "Sorry, but the drive will be too much." - Too much for someone who is going to be able to catch up on sleep and time in a couple of weeks?

As I re-read the e-mail text, I was striking out even more.  The whole point of the life skills class was for women to come together and work on themselves.  The class wasn't mandatory and the women who came mostly gave up privileges and their own free time to be part of it.  For 8 weeks, the women wrote essays and poems, watched and analysed films, and became part of a therapeutic group that looked into the root causes of why they ended up in lifestyle that lead them to jail.  For most of the women, this was the first time they had seen through any type of positive commitment in their lives.  Now I couldn't give up a few hours of my free time to be a part of their accomplishments?

I erased all the previous drafts of my e-mails and wrote a few lines, "It would be my pleasure to be part of this experience."  With that, I committed.

As I suddenly approached all the traffic that was flowing in my direction, I started to tense up and I really wanted to just turn around and go home.  However, I kept on going and managed to make it by nothing short of a miracle with even a few minutes to spare.

As we processed into the jail, I have the feeling I always do going inside.  My heart races and for a minute, as the gates close behind me, I feel trapped.  I understand freedom as I've known it just a few seconds ago is no more.  For the next block of time (possibly more depending on if anything out-of-the-ordinary happens), I am committing myself to playing by a new set of rules, where every move is watched and at any time, things can "go sideways," which is a term commonly used inside when things get ugly.  At this point, I take a deep breath and say a small prayer and adjust to my new surroundings.  During this time, a weird burst of energy surges through my body and I know that I'm ready.

As we walked into the room, there were women of all different shapes and sizes.  Some tattooed, some pierced, but all looked hardened from the lifestyle they were accustomed to on the outside.  Just as I was sizing them up, I could feel their stares coming down on me too.  I know that this will seem strange, but for me, being inside of a female jail is much scary than being inside of a max men's prison.  Reason being that in a jail people are transient and they are awaiting trial, many are trying to prove themselves and establish hierarchies.  No one knows each other that well and therefore, the culture is very unsettled and being unsettled in a facility is never a good thing.  Then to throw on top of this being a woman visitor inside of a women's facility that's another dynamic and this causes the women inside to throw up additional guards.

However, with women once you can break down the barriers and find some commonalities, the dynamics change drastically.  As part of the ceremony, this was an exercise that we all did.  As the outsiders explained who they were and why they chose to be a part of this celebration, you could see the women's faces start to soften.  Then after we had some conversation and a meal together, the women got to share a piece of themselves- a final paper that they wrote about their lives.  As each women shared, they became more and more vulnerable.  They talked about their addictions, but they focused mostly on what led them to this life.  Tearfully each woman recanted horrible stories of childhood abuse, murders of their family members and being raised on the streets.  In respect and confidence for these women, I am choosing not to share the specifics here.  However, I do want to share one story of a woman who was just sentenced and will be leaving the jail to serve a 10-life sentence for a murder that her boyfriend committed while she sat outside in the car high on meth with no recollection of anything that happened that night.

She is a young mother and is now in recovery and she is using her writing to help get her through.  She talked about two African proverbs that have helped shape her and turn her life around.  The first is, "Never test the water with both feet."  The second, "Don't look where you've fallen, but where you've tripped."  She crafted a well written piece about how these two proverbs were the way that she lived her life prior to her being inside. She was always trying the next best thing and cycling through people and things to find some sort of meaning in her life.  When she wasn't able to, she would use the drugs to coat her pain and now that she is not able to do this, she is forced to look inside and find out all the lose ends that have been ignored.

As she read her piece, it brought a tear to my eye as I could understand where she was going.  Although I couldn't relate to the addict piece, I could relate to the proverbs.  I saw myself inside of both of them.  I have a gusto for life and sometimes this leads me to trip and jump into waters too shallow for me.  I was doing this right now even before my current job had ended, I was trying to make way to jump into something else.

As I drove back that night, I reflected on what she said and I have since decided to tread a little more carefully.  Although I have no idea what the next step will be, I am at peace in committing myself a bit more to the process to find the right thing, not the right now thing.

The Closing Chapters...

So we all know the feeling of picking up a new book that you've been dying to read.  You leave the bookstore plotting out your day and making sure you have ample time to spend with your newest addition.  You can't wait for the moment when you will be able to snuggle up on the couch with a cup of hot tea and enjoy.  Then you do and you start reading the first few paragraphs expecting to have some sort of life changing epiphany or at the very least feel enriched and engaged by the text.  However, as you read you are slowly becoming less and less excited and you even start to zone out.   You reread sentences and paragraphs trying to savor every word subconsciously telling yourself to hold on to see what's around the bend.  You get through the first chapter and now conscious disappointment starts to set in; however, you convince yourself that it is bound to get better.   Then by chapter two or three you are struggling and asking yourself why you even bought this book in the first place? The characters have no arcs, the plot is convoluted and/or you just can't seem to get into it.  

You find yourself at a crossroads.  Should you use this book become the newest occupant on your shelf joining all the other books that you've either finished or abandoned?  The cover is very pretty and it would give the illusion to others that you read this book.  You put it on the shelf just to see how it would fit with the other books.  

Then you have another thought.  Maybe you made a rash decision and you should just keep on keeping on with it in the hopes that something will change?  It is a gamble; however, you are in the mood to roll the dice so take the book off the shelf.  However, you have adjusted your expectations and now your goal is to just get through it.

As you read, at times you are struggling maybe even nodding off.  However, there is one moment that something that you read changes the game for you.  Although you are still not completely loving the book, you now feel that because of one scene, paragraph or character, it isn't that bad anymore.  You no longer dread picking the book up.  You stay with it for a while and a couple more chapters and other redemptive things are happening. You are beginning to think that your investment wasn't wasted.  

You feel yourself care again.  Now, you are approaching the end of the book and you have a vision of where and how the book is going to end.  You keep reading and you are waiting for your vision to come and then when you are almost done, it changes again.  You are thrown off guard however, you are intrigued enough to stay with it as you've made the commitment.  Then the end finally comes and as you close the book, you feel happy that you've gotten through it, but sad that now the challenge of conquering it is gone.  It is now time to move on.   

Yep this pretty much sums up the week.